FSTDT

Rabbi Kalman Packouz #fundie preventintermarriage.com

[These are excerpts from "questionnaires" that are supposed to be given to children contemplating marrying non-Jews.]

Do you or your potential spouse think it is wrong to aid in the destruction of an endangered species? How do you feel about aiding in the destruction of the Jewish people?

[...]

If you are marrying a non-Jewish woman, does it bother you that your children will not be considered Jewish by the vast majority of Jews?

[...]

If there is a major tragedy such as an airplane crash, do you read the list of victims to pick out the Jewish names?

[...]

Do you realize that marrying a non-Jewish person essentially cuts you off from the Jewish people? Does that bother you?

[...]

Are you aware that children of mixed-religious parentage often have an identity crisis? How do you plan to deal with your children's identity crisis?

[...]

Do you think it is fair to create confusion in your children in an area so vital as their basic identity?

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Are you aware that frequently, Jews look at children of an intermarriage as non-Jews and non-Jews look at them as Jews?

[...]

Are you aware of the higher rate of divorce amongst intermarried couples? What, in your opinion, accounts for this higher rate?

Rabbi Kalman Packouz #fundie preventintermarriage.com

One rabbi described the method he finds most effective with young Jewish men:

"I usually meet the young man late in the evening at the synagogue and ask him to come into the main sanctuary. The atmosphere is quiet, with more than 500 empty seats; the only lights are in the back and a few near the Ark. Then I tell the young man, 'Open the holy Ark.' He may ask, 'Rabbi, now?' and I answer, 'Yes, now.' After he opens the Ark, I ask him to take out the Sefer Torah. Again he may ask, 'Right now?' and I answer, 'Yes, now.' Then I tell him emphatically, 'Throw the Torah on the floor! Stamp on it and spit on it!!'

"Invariably the young man says, 'Rabbi, you must be kidding!' Then I take the Torah from him and return it to the Ark. Immediately I lace into him, 'By marrying out of our religion, you are throwing down, stamping, and spitting on the holy Torah!' Then I continue from there. Very often this proves the most helpful in changing the minds of serious young people who are considering intermarriage.

"By taking them into the sanctuary, opening the Ark (which even the most unlearned Jew reveres) and asking them to throw down and spit on the holy Torah scroll, they feel for the first time how wrong intermarriage is."

Analysis: Here the rabbi creates an emotional confrontation between the man's desire for the woman and his desire to respect what is holy. The Rabbi thus opens a channel for effective communication and change.

Rabbi Kalman Packouz #fundie preventintermarriage.com

The Fast

In 1950, a religious Jew came to America from Safed, Israel. He went into the real estate business in the suburbs of New York City, married a Jewish woman, and set up a home. After a year, his wife gave birth to a baby girl. Through the years, the family's life followed the typical American success story.

When the young lady reached college age, she attended Columbia University, where she met a fine Protestant young man. They dated for several months and then decided to get married. Meanwhile, her father continued to think that the relationship was not serious.

One day the family and the boy went to Forest Hills Country Club to have dinner. Towards the end of the meal, the young lady turned to her father and said, "Dad, John and I plan to get married." The father looked at her intently and said softly, "Fine, but please wait until I am dead before marrying him." He then pushed his plate aside and stopped eating.

As the days passed, he continued to fast. His health began to fail and he grew pale and weak. Neither his friends, nor his family, nor his daughter could convince him to eat. He remained at home, not venturing out either to work nor to see friends.

Finally, the doctor told the man's daughter that she had her choice - she could give up the boy or she would shortly be attending her father's funeral. The young lady was under great emotional stress as she watched her father waste away due to his feelings about her decision. She initially thought that her father's fast would last only a short time and then he would accept the proposed marriage and stop this "nonsense." Thus, when she heard the doctor's words, her resolve was washed away by tears at the shocking thought of her father's death.

She went into her father's room and stood before him, sobbing as she spoke, "Daddy, I love you. I can't marry him and watch you die. I'm not going to marry him. Please, forgive me."

A totally committed parent will usually find a way to successfully prevent an intermarriage - if he is wiling to pay the price.

Rabbi Kalman Packouz #fundie preventintermarriage.com

A third means of illustrating the moral wrong of intermarriage is to say to your son [...] "We know well enough to be wary of getting involved with a dope addict, no matter how endearing and lovely she is, because we know it will hurt. How about getting involved with someone who is endearing and lovely who will hurt not only you, but your parents and your whole people? Drop her! It hurts? Morality requires a willingness to accept hurt."

Rabbi Kalman Packouz #fundie preventintermarriage.com

If you believe that there is even a remote possibility that there is a God Who gave us the Torah and that there is reward and punishment for our actions in this world, you should reconsider intermarriage. This understanding of eternal consequences for our decisions and behavior is a very basic Jewish belief going back to the beginning of our people.

Intermarriage is an extremely serious violation of the Torah. In one sense, it is the ultimate violation - all future generations born to a non-Jewish mother will not be Jewish and will be cut off from our heritage.

If the mother is Jewish and the father is not, there is a great likelihood that the child - Jewish by birthright - will not receive a Torah education and will lead a life devoid of Torah, a life filled with inadvertent violations of the Torah.

Recent studies show that a very small percentage of such children are being raised according to any definition of being Jewish. The intermarried person is causing this tragedy.

Putting romantic notions aside, it is not worth the punishment and loss of reward in the World to Come because of intermarriage - especially since you can find all the qualities you seek in a Jewish spouse - if you try.