Just got back from the weirdest church service ever.
Fred was preaching about how someone found a page from the Bible while they were cleaning up the fires in Gatlinburg. The most visible verse on the "wet and. burned" page was from Joel apparently and it was about "The Day of the Lord." That's not the weird part though.
He went into this massive ramble about how God is using the page to "warn" us that the Tribulation is coming, which apparently involves China, Russia, HGTV, and the price of milk...
At one point he was talking about how some couple's show on HGTV got cancelled because they "believed the Bible" and liked "regular marriage", and that it was persecution. Then he said that one woman on the news was like, "Hey, I'm a Christian, but I feel like we've advanced as a society and that some things do not really apply to this nation anymore." Then I said "Amen, woman!" out loud and everyone stared disapprovingly.
Fred got really mad and said, "That woman on TV isn't a Christian! You have to believe ALL OF THE BIBLE to be a real Christian! etc." This was after the week before that when he said that Christians shouldn't accuse other Christians of being fakers. Hypocrite. The point is, you're free to believe the Bible all you want, but this isn't a theocracy and you shouldn't treat it like one.
Fred asked us if we believed in coincidences and I raised my hand and answered politely and concisely.
"Yeah, sir, I do believe that some things are coincidences. I believe some things are of God, but others are coincidences. We live in the Bible Belt, so it's not like the arsonist was burning Bibles on purpose. Also, I don't think that page being there was His will either. The verse doesn't even make much sense."
Guess what happened.
"Are you saying that you don't believe God's Word is true? That's really sad! You could go to Hell if you don't get right with God right now! You probably had a false conversion! EVERYTHING IS GOD'S WILL, EVERYTHING!!"
Much of his sermon made no sense at all, and was nonsensical, bigoted, hypocritical; he used lots of misinterpreted verses to back up his claims. And usually the sermons make sense but dude. I think everyone left church in silence because they were so confused.
I told my fundie mother just now (who didn't go because she was sick this morning) about the content of the sermon. She actually sided with Brother Fred and gave me a talk about I should "read my Bible" more so I can understand what he's saying. I don't think I want to know what Fred is saying. He is nuts. Bonkers. Off his meds.
She repeated that everything in the world is God's will. So going to Arby's to order a couple beef and cheddars is God's will? Adjusting your glasses? Turning off the lamp at night? Patting a dog on the head? I'm baffled honestly.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm not a Godless apostate, progressive heathen Episcopalian.