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#1402368
His4Life
Robspierre, how did you come to that conclusion? I never said that people's behavior was evidence for or against God. I was just pointing out that the biblical picture of God doesn't match up with what checkmake is describing above.
----
Dorie R. Bentjen, Deaconess and Minister
Certificate of Prophetic Ministry, 2003
Degree of Ordination in Lay Ministry, 2012
"Jesus is Love!"
5/13/2012 8:38:31 PM
#1402370
checkmate
@His4Life
God doesn't do anything grotesque like that.
Well duh. Thank for stating the obvious.
As you have so aptly demonstrated, one of the major drawbacks of wasting one's time with the Bible is that one loses the ability to recognize and/or understand ironic humor.
Bible thumping christians take everything so god damned literally and seriously, they lose all perspective for the human condition.
God gave us humor. Ignoring or suppressing one of God's gifts is an insult towards God.
Insulting God is a mortal sin.
Have fun in Hell, Dorie.
Btw, wtf is a "Certificate of Prophetic Ministry"? Is that some kind of license to make up lots of goofy crap and say it comes from God?
5/13/2012 8:39:51 PM
#1402374
His4Life
Checkmate, sorry but I will not be going to hell. I have no problem with humor and also believe it is a gift from God - Jesus was actually quite ironic if you read his teachings. I just didn't find your post funny and while I knew you weren't being serious, you seemed to be making a theological point with your comparison that I felt the need to counter. Sorry if I took your comment more seriously than you had intended it.
The Certificate of Prophetic Ministry is a certification awarded by my particular denomination in recognition of one's calling to work in a prophetic capacity in the local church. It is approved by a board of several members, including both clergy and laity, and indicates that the church recognizes you as having the gift of prophecy and authorizes you to use that gift in public worship and ministry.
----
Dorie R. Bentjen, Deaconess and Minister
Certificate of Prophetic Ministry, 2003
Degree of Ordination in Lay Ministry, 2012
"Jesus is Love!"
5/13/2012 8:51:50 PM
#1402388
Extraintrovert
The opinion of God: strangely similar to the opinion of those claiming to know God's opinion.
@His4Life
By "gift of prophecy", do you mean the ability to divine future events? If not, then you should probably find a more apt name for your certificate. If so, then that is the single most hilarious thing I have read all day.
5/13/2012 9:53:20 PM
#1402401
Danarth
@His4life
God gave people free will?...
Why is it so hard for you to understand this simple concept?
'Do as I tell you or go to hell' is 'not' free will.
As for the Hitler claim. Well, that's just No True Scotsman fallacy.
5/13/2012 10:37:10 PM
#1402418
Jack Bauer
"Placebo effect of ordeals"
WTF?
5/13/2012 11:43:08 PM
#1402478
Mapar
*ehem* Burden of proof fallacy, moron.
5/14/2012 3:40:36 AM
#1402531
maxedout
Trial by ordeal - no.
Trial by combat might be fun in some cases.
I would have loved to see Jeffery Archer do that with Mike Tyson as prosecutor.
5/14/2012 4:57:22 AM
#1402544
Leighton Buzzard
I saw some pr0n called 'The Satanic Witches' once. If they're ruling the world now, I'm for it.
5/14/2012 5:03:18 AM
#1402550
Mister Spak
@his4life:
"The atheist preserves his reason, which checks his propensity to mischief, while the fanatic is under the influence of a madness which is constantly urging him on."
- Voltaire
5/14/2012 5:15:41 AM
#1402590
Xotan
Servant of Christ indeed. More like someone with a fetish for burning people alive. Sick!
Trial by ordeal is not legal in any civilized country.
Do your own research about witch trials and the Inquisition, lazy asshole. And do it honestly and in an unbiased way! The evidence is pretty convincing that it was a way of settling scored and wreaking vengeance. Once accused it was impossible to prove innocence as your accusers were never identified - neither was your crime. Sounds reasonable to you? Not to me.
5/14/2012 6:30:17 AM
#1402645
KittyKaboom
This guy scares the hell out of me. I seriously hope he is a Poe, though he does seem sincere, mainly because he's got himself some backup.
Also, to the folks on here who say Witches don't exist; I've been a Pagan for fifteen years now, embrace the term 'Witch' and I'm pretty sure I exist.
Just, you know...sayin'.
5/14/2012 7:21:55 AM
#1402655
JSS
God cannot be evil because he is God and therefore can only be good, so he cannot be evil, simply because he is God, and being God, can only be good, which means he cannot be evil, he's God of course, and good without god is 0 apparently, so there can be no evil involved with God, because he is God, and ergo, he is good.
Spin me spin me spin me with that circular logic!
5/14/2012 7:34:33 AM
#1402677
Anon-e-moose
To a certain person in this thread who shall remain clueless:
'Gott Mit Uns' translates as '
God With Us' for the hard of thinking
That's a
Catholic church, BTW.
'I am now as before a Catholic and will always remain so.'
-Adolf Hitler, to General Gerhard Engel, 1941
I don't see any mention of Odin/Wotan or any other
Pagan deities; mayhaps he was the other way round; using Paganism just to pander to certain sections of his SS (Himmler, and all that jazz), and was a Christian first and foremost. Oh, and you know about high-up Catholics...:
...but yet,
Protestant Christians have no right to condemn others, though - least of all the activities of those of the same gender, but at least are
adult and
consenting.
(^ Subconscious honesty in advertising, anyone...?!)
As with fundie Catholics, fundie Protestants are anti-abortion. Now, who else was rabidly anti-abortion...? Oh yes, that's right: Hitler*. He was a right-winger too.
Someone else in this thread who shall remain clueless is a right-winger as well; as are all right-wing Fundamentalist Christians. [/Reverse Godwin]
*- In his Third Reich, abortion was illegal; lengthy jail terms for the women who had abortions, and the doctors who performed such were executed. One word:
Lebensborn. The name Scott Roeder ring any bells...?
@checkmate
Patriot Bible University. Kent 'Oh, Mark 12:17 doesn't apply to me!' Hovind.
In an episode of the UK TV series "Dirty Sanchez" (which makes the US's "Jackass" look like the "Teletubbies"), whilst on tour in Europe, the two Welsh members of the team - Pritchard and Pancho - have a faux-'marriage' as a joke, ministered by warped Englishman Joyce.
Unbeknownst to them, however, Joyce had, beforehand, become a Minister via the internet, from a place in the US which issues documents to make people legal pastors, who can marry people in the US, and outside the UK.
Now, whose is the 'Diploma Mill' certification: Joyce's or a certain person in this thread who shall remain clueless...? Nope, not seeing those
Emeritus Professorships, degrees etc in Theology; and not just with Kent 'Don't drop the soap!' Hovind, neither. >:D
5/14/2012 8:12:57 AM
#1402743
Ludd
"History is written by the victors. The satanic witches won and now they run our country. That's why history books say they weren't really witches."
Yes of course. The people who were tortured and killed aren't victims, they are victors. Makes perfect sense. Come to think of it, it doesn't surprise me that a Christian would think that being tortured and killed is some kind of victory.
5/14/2012 10:32:19 AM
#1402762
Isis-sama
@His4Lifer
God doesn't do anything grotesque like that.
No, he just strikes them with lightning, rains sulphur on them, turns them into pillars of salt, strikes them dead because their king refuses to accede to his demands after forcing him not to, etc.
When it comes to cutting off people's heads, he orders his mortal servants to do it for him, and it's usually with swords, not saws . . . so, you're technically right, I suppose.
5/14/2012 11:28:25 AM
#1402778
tracer
"You keep repeating "they weren't really witches." over and over. Please provide some evidence other than that historians don't think they were real witches and a few people (probably under the command of Satan) renounced their testimony."
Okay. How about this for evidence:
Magic spells don't work.
5/14/2012 11:55:28 AM
#1402834
Tatsukun
Aaah, yes. The old "the voices in my head are always right, and they say I am right about everything and can kill anyone I want" argument. Creepy as always!
5/14/2012 1:19:58 PM
#1402882
Danarth
Mabus....wasn't that the delusional cretin who was harrasing PZ Myers?
5/14/2012 2:37:17 PM
#1402903
Isis-sama
@Danarth
PZ Myers and a lot of other people. A while ago the police finally took notice of him.
I wonder if it's the same guy, or a copycat. It's been a while, so it's possible he could have started up again.
5/14/2012 3:40:03 PM
#1402953
Wykked Wytch
Trial by ordeal? Da fuq?
5/14/2012 5:37:31 PM
#1402971
LadyJafaria
He's completely mixed up two time periods. The witch persecutions were from the 17th to the 18th century, and involved actual courtroom trials. They weren't FAIR trials by any means, but they weren't "trials by ordeal." That was largely a 10th-12th century thing.
(Yes, there was torture involved in witchcraft trials, but it was to extract a confession that would then be used IN the trial. An ordeal wasn't the METHOD of trial.)
Also, I have to say this because it pisses me right the fuck off: when you quote someone, fucking cite it. Your second line isn't some age-old proverb that nobody knows the origin of. It's a quote. Then again, quoting Machiavelli might be rather bad for a fundie's image.
5/14/2012 6:43:11 PM
#1403281
aaa
Holy fuck this shit is hilarious.
5/15/2012 6:34:12 AM
#1403540
Agahnim
Wow... this sounds like a parody of a post I made a while back.
Back on topic... seriously?
5/15/2012 2:05:41 PM
#1404077
\m/>_<\m/
hey, i've got an idea. all the americans on this site (and that's an assload)! petition your authorities to get some religious history in the curriculum. throw in canonical law too. that'll teach some stuff to all those fundies regarding their faith. namely, that it's heresy!
[/fundie orthodox christian]
|/optimist]
this world is so screwed, what with 1300+ christian denominations...
i just pulled a rizzo, didn't i?
edit: holy shit! anon-e-moose, that was the single biggest and dedicated godwin i've ever seen! +1 internet to you!
5/16/2012 7:24:28 PM
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