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#1393677
John
... followed by "you really won't die" which duped Adam and Eve in the Garden
Nothing in the Bible suggests that the serpent in the garden was Satan. Afterwards, God cursed it to go about on its belly and be the lowest of animals - just like a snake, and certainly not like anyone's idea of Satan.
God told Adam and Eve that they would die on the day they ate the fruit. The serpent told them they wouldn't die; their eyes would be opened and they'd be as gods and know good and evil. After they ate, sure enough, God admitted "the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil". Adam lived 930 years. So the serpent was right and God lied to them.
4/17/2012 4:30:31 PM
#1393687
Alencon
If this is for real, then all I can say is this poor fool is so deluded as to be mentally ill. He belongs in a hospital where he can't hurt himself or anyone else.
4/17/2012 5:17:18 PM
#1393690
Grogs
@thatotherguy: Second I have never heard anyone suggest a "reverse orbit" – if anyone knows what the hell he's talking about please explain.
I think he's talking about retrograde motion, it's just that he's dead wrong about it. The moon rotates around the earth in the same direction the Earth rotates, and it doesn't really rotate since it's tidally locked with Earth. There are a couple of planets (Venus and Uranus) that revolve in the opposite direction that they rotate the sun. My thought is he heard that fact somewhere (it's a common creationist 'argument') and latched onto it without understanding what it meant or even bothering to copy and paste it correctly.
4/17/2012 5:36:03 PM
#1393701
\m/>_<\m/
am i the only one who read the forum title as " fountains of the great DERP?"
4/17/2012 7:05:03 PM
#1393710
RinellaWasHere
The Bible never mentions Earth is a planet? Shit, I never realized that! Hey, you know what else it never mentions? Electricity, modern democracy, the existence of chimpanzees, and the rules of basketball! If those aren't mentioned, they must be anti-biblical lies!
Or, you know, the Bible is just a book with a certain, limited focus, and what isn't mentioned in it can still exist. Is there a point where a discussion of astronomy and planets would have made sense? No? Then of course it's never discussed, there's no place for it and clearly the writers didn't care.
4/17/2012 8:02:57 PM
#1393720
He Who Doubts
Complete filth. This man is a dangerous threat to our species.
4/17/2012 9:20:26 PM
#1393723
Justanotheratheist
Either a Poe, or the biggest cretin on the Internet.
4/17/2012 10:17:00 PM
#1393730
Ebon
PLEASE let this be a Poe...
4/17/2012 11:09:44 PM
#1393732
Mikgof
I feel sorry for the poor sod. To wantonly disregard everything that he must have learnt at school, and then to twist his world view into something that matches the Bible. He must be in a permanent state of mental anguish.
4/17/2012 11:14:48 PM
#1393742
Amadan
I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
R. Santorum
4/18/2012 2:30:31 AM
#1393750
Balthazar the Wise
I say without hyperbole or overstatement, that I blame his science class for not brainwashing him good enough to not fall for bullshit like this.
Seriously, he might as well be saying that "2+2 = 5 because God doesn't define it in His Holy Word." It would make just as much sense.
4/18/2012 4:05:11 AM
#1393756
Mister Spak
I suspect you ate the wrong kind of mushroom.
4/18/2012 4:57:52 AM
#1393762
Pikachukid
What M.A. Masters fails to realise is that the sun and moon...and presumably every other celestial body...are controlled by magical ponies. These ponies have underlings who control the course of the seasons and the weather. This "God" thing is simply the result of these magical ponies being invisible to human eyes.
Oh, and one of them is actually a tree.
4/18/2012 5:27:46 AM
#1393768
This theory will be completely debunked with true science backed by the Scriptures.
And we keep asking... Where is this "true science" and when will it be presented?
4/18/2012 5:41:12 AM
#1393771
Another_swede
This has to be top 100 material. I'd like to know how we should describe earth if not as a planet.
4/18/2012 5:54:45 AM
#1393776
Doubting Thomas
This theory will be completely debunked with true science backed by the Scriptures.
Oh boy. This should be good.
Dinosaurs died 65 million years ago...." No they didn't. True archeology and human history coupled with massive volcanism proves otherwise.
True archeology and human history based on the bible, no doubt.
The factless Copernican heliocentric universe which has zero proof
Except for all the proof which shows that it is factual. Heliocentric solar system, that is.
And why stop there? Why not claim that the earth is actually flat like it says in the bible?
4/18/2012 6:11:15 AM
#1393779
Frelus
I'd like this in the Top 100, too.
4/18/2012 6:16:43 AM
#1393786
SpukiKitty
MORE JUNK "B.S. MORON" PROBABLY BELIEVES:
* If you sail over the horizon, you'll fall off into a void & get eaten by Eldrich Abominations.
* The Moon is made of green cheese.
* Wind is cause by trees sneezing.
* Thunder is God bowling.
* Light bulbs run on MAGIC!
* There are little elves with a little printing press inside all ATM machines, printing out money.
* Those same elves also live in your radio and play music & stuff.
* Those elves also steal socks in your laundry room...those little guys are quite a busy bunch, aren't they?
* They're SO busy, in fact, that they sit inside your TV and perform plays or "TV shows". Considering the switch to flatscreen, they're very flat elves.
* Rick Santorum has a brain!
Honestly, I hope this guy isn't designing any buildings & stuff cuz there's gonna be some major lawsuits!
4/18/2012 6:43:45 AM
#1393790
farpadokly
This is fascinating as it gives an insight into how "science" would be taught in a Christian theocracy. In the medieval classroom, the Bible was a source of knowledge, but so was the often inaccurate information of Pliny the Elder and maybe even Aristotle, and certainly Thomas Aquinas and St Augustine.
For the modern fundamentalist, there's only "sola scriptura" and he has narrowed the circle of his knowledge accordingly.
Can you imagine a child in the 21st century growing up believing that the earth is flat and sits on pillars, and that sea monsters guard the edges of the sea? (As stated in the Bible). Is this going to enable him to compete in a global market economy? Nope.
@SpukiKitty: My friend told me that when he was wee, his parents told him thunder was God and Jesus moving the furniture around in Heaven.
4/18/2012 6:48:30 AM
#1393791
Tempus
@SpukiKitty:
Masters' world must be an exciting place to live.
4/18/2012 6:49:04 AM
#1393794
SpukiKitty
@Tempus
DOUG HENNING! I remember that guy!
4/18/2012 6:57:28 AM
#1393795
breakerslion
... And another thing!
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! THE GREAT ... AND POWERFUL ... OZ ... has (gulp) spoken.
(Even little Dorothy knows you're a humbug.)
PS: "Stretcheth?" For sooth? When are you pompous dickwads going to cut the corny Olde English bullshit?
4/18/2012 7:09:54 AM
#1393807
ohioobserver
Stupid, yes, maniacal, yes, but -- if over 18 -- this loon can VOTE. Scary.
4/18/2012 7:33:26 AM
#1393822
freako104
I call poe/troll. And I hope it is or my faith in the human race has taken a hit
4/18/2012 8:10:39 AM
#1393832
Mayhem
A constipated Galactus is full of less shit than you.
4/18/2012 8:54:29 AM
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