These new commandments must be obeyed, and those who flout them will receive the most severe and unyielding punishments, including censure, excommunication, (say, from graduate counseling programs), and fines in the forms of legal fees to the secular imams at the ACLU.
Here, then, are the Ten Commandments of secular Sharia:
1. “Government, not Yahweh, is God.” Secular fundamentalists want us to look to government for everything we we [sic] were once taught to look for from God. Government is all knowing, all powerful, all wise, all caring. You know, all the things God used to be.
2. “You shall have no gods, period.” The goal of secular fundamentalists is the extermination of any and all mentions of God and Christ in the public arena. The only exceptions to the “no god” rule will be for Gaia and Allah. Gaia is to be worshiped, and any blasphemy against her, by plundering her for such things as the fuel on which the world runs, will be met with the severest punishment and condemnation.
3. “You shall not take the name of the homosexual agenda or Islam in vain.” If you do, we will land on you like a falling safe. Profanity, blasphemy, vulgarity, obscenity, pornography, all are fine. Criticize homosexual conduct, on the other hand, and we will cause the wrath of our god to descend upon you as a consuming fire. You will be silenced, marginalized and treated as a leper. We secularists have freedom of speech but you cretinous conservatives do not. If you have a problem with sexually deviant behavior, you are by definition a homophobic hatemonger and we don’t have to listen to you.
4. “Observe Halloween, Labor Day and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as holy days. Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving, on the other hand, must be wiped off school calendars as if they never existed.”
5. “Honor your father and mother - by which we mean liberal politicians, since they have turned government into your mommy and your daddy.” No husband, no problem: government will be the head of your home. No father, no problem: government will be your provider and raise your children for you.
6. “You shall not murder - unless it’s a defenseless baby in the womb.”
7. “You shall not commit adultery - unless it’s with another man’s wife. Fornication and sodomy without repercussions and penalty are okay too. And we’re working on polygamy and pedophilia.” Anyone who disagrees, and says anything remotely critical of such behaviors, will be subject to the wrath of the holy and righteous prophets of secular Sharia in the out-of-the-mainstream media, who will call down fire and brimstone on those who dare to challenge the sexual orthodoxy of leftist libertines.
8. “You shall not steal - unless it’s to plunder from the producers what they have earned to give to the non-producers what they have not earned.” Anyone who complains about this involuntary transfer of wealth will be judged by the secular mullahs as evil, greedy capitalists and silenced. Right after they have been ripped off.
9. “You shall not bear false witness - unless it is to tell blatant lies about the Constitution, American history, the economy, unemployment figures and drilling for oil.” As long as you are lying to advance the power and reach of government, or get a leftist politician reelected, it’s okay. Secularists have their own version of taqqiya, just like the Muslims do.
10. “You shall not covet anything - as long as it belongs to people who are poorer than you. If they have more money than you, they are evil oppressors who must be plundered of their ill-gotten wealth by our government overlords so it can be redistributed to the lazy, shiftless and irresponsible.”
Bryan Fischer, Rightly Concerned 68 Comments
[4/5/2012 3:03:11 AM]
Fundie Index: 81
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This is either a terrible attempt at humor or a remarkably bad argument.
4/5/2012 10:43:22 AM
My "religion" is atheism just like my "hobby" is not collecting stamps.
4/5/2012 10:50:54 AM
Filin De Blanc
Why is the idea that government ought to help its citizens not die of starvation so freaking controversial?
4/5/2012 10:54:10 AM
The original ten commandments, with a couple of exceptions, were twaddle. What a coincidence that yours are complete twaddle, no exception.
4/5/2012 11:21:15 AM
...because, everyone knows that liberals who have done virtually everything they can to keep the country from collapsing itself into an authoritarian theocracy over the last half-century or so will drop everything, chuck their hard work to the winds and run to eagerly embrace a religious and social system that's every bit as oppressive and autocratic, as long as it called God "Allah" instead of Yahweh and rallies around a crescent moon instead of a cross. Why, just this morning, I heard my gay friend gushing poetic about living under Shariah law where he and those like him can be put to death for being gay. Heck, it was only a week ago that my liberal, birth-control-using cousin, an attorney, was wishing that the state could outlaw birth control, move into her uterus on a permanent basis, keep her from working outside the home and force her to wear a burka and veil in public.
You're insane. You are absolutely, completely, stark-raving bugfuck mad. You don't understand history, just a bowdlerized, severely edited version of it. You don't understand any religion except your own, and frankly, for someone who's supposed to be a man of God you don't understand THAT very well, either. You are incapable of imagining how other people think or feel at all. You can't comprehend the simple fact that other people either don't have a religion and DO NOT FEEL THE NEED FOR ONE, or do and simply don't want yours, except as enemies who have to be suppressed or ejected from the body politic lest they infect "the righteous," because you project your own frantic lust to annihilate any and all competing religious and philosophical systems other than your own on them. You have elevated your bigotry to ethics and downgraded your ethics to dime-store platitudes that can fit on a bumper sticker. You don't understand a goddamned thing.
From the bottom of my heart, fuck you and everyone who even LOOKS like you.
4/5/2012 11:29:31 AM
Today's installment of Fun With Oxymorons.
4/5/2012 11:42:57 AM
@ Orion: With regard to your commentary on 10, I think the sharpest-line of the right-wing archons actually DO think that way. Keep in mind the Calvinist (or at least Congregationalist) idea that, since he'd chosen who would be exalted and who damned from before even the first angel was sculpted, God would never be so wasteful as to let the pre-exalted suffer penury, or let the pre-condemned enjoy wealth that was a mismatch with their ultimate place in the mural of eternity. Long-term poverty is a SYMPTOM of being chosen for damnation--and so, succoring them is itself defying God's sacrosanct design. Proper honoring of God thus REQUIRES scorning the long-term downtrodden, as that's what God himself meant for them to be for eternity, irrevocable objects of scorn. (Interesting thought: Did Calvin think GOD had free will? I will own that my own view is that fate, being an inherent blind tyrant, is inherently evil, and ought to be abolished along with chaos...)
4/5/2012 11:43:53 AM
Hey look, I just made more sense than Bryan Fischer.
4/5/2012 12:05:45 PM
Because I'm pretty sure Christians fundies don't really no what Muslims believe and have even less of an idea as to what Sharia law entails, I'm going to guess you don't realize that secular Sharia law makes about as much sense as being the god of atheists.
4/5/2012 12:42:31 PM
The fact that this guy is even given the time of day scares the hell out of me...
4/5/2012 1:04:30 PM
Folks, it's point by point time!
Before we begin, the words "secular Shariah" have no meaning, because secular means something that is indifferent or outside of religion, whereas Shariah is religious by its very nature.
With out any further delay… (and scoring for every correct point you get!)
1. I don't believe this. I do not believe that anyone has the right to full control over me, the way you claim God does. Sorry. I do believe that government should spend as much money as is needed to keep its people fairly happy and healthy. This does not mean I believe government is God. Next! (Score: 0 points)
2. Well, a half point. Most atheists don't believe in forcing their beliefs on other people, but it is true that they do not believe in God or gods. Full stop. But let's continue for a second. You then go on to claim (essentially) that atheists believe that Gaia and Allah should be worshiped. We do not believe in gods. Period. No Gaia. No Allah. No Yaweh. No anyone. So lets deduct (since I'm being kind) a quarter point. (Score: 0.25 points)
3. We aren't Muslims! That alone would lose you half a point. Lets continue though. While I don't know any homophobic atheists, there's nothing fundamentally impossible about it, so you lose a quarter point. Continuing further though. I know you're doing a ten commandments thing, but what the hell does it mean not to take the name of "the ten commandments" or "the homosexual agenda" in vain. Going further, you seem to be saying that Gay Rights activists think you shouldn't be allowed to criticize their agenda. If they get their way, you will be able to criticize the changes they have made. This is Freedom of Speech. So no points in this round. (Score: 0.25 points)
4/5/2012 1:54:02 PM
4. Never heard this from an atheists. I know atheists that enjoy Christmas. Including me. Easter is sort of hit and miss, but most people are happy for the day off, if they get it. Thanksgiving isn't religious, although it can be used to express religious sentiments. I'll give you a quarter point, because I actually have heard some atheists say that they don't think that religious holidays should be national holidays. However, this does not mean that all atheists think this. For example, I don't. (Score: 0.5 points)
5. This is pure nonsense. I don't think there is anyone that believes this. No points. (Score: 0.5 points)
6. I'll give you, out of sheer generosity, a quarter of a point, but there are a few things wrong with this: 1) There are anti-abortion atheists. 2) This one depends on whether or not you consider pre-birth babies alive. For instance in the early stages of pregnancy there is nothing particularly baby-like about the cluster of cells that could potentially become a baby. (Score: 0.75 points)
7. "You shall not commit adultery – unless it's with another man wife". In other words, "you shall not commit adultery – unless it's adultery". Yeesh. I'd normally take fractions of a point off for claiming that all atheists believe in polygamy and pedophilia (I don't think even most atheists believe in those things). But that first nonsensical sentence disqualifies you from getting points on this round anyway. (Score: 0.75 points)
4/5/2012 1:54:38 PM
8. I think you're talking about anti-piracy laws. This has nothing to do with atheism. No points. (Score: 0.75 points).
9. Give me specific lies about the Constitution, American history, the economy, unemployment figures and drilling for oil and I would attempt to refute them and maybe award you a quarter point if one or two of them was partially right. I might even give you the full point if they were all right. But since you give me no specifics, I can't give you any points. I'm tempted to take off a quarter of a point off your current score for including oil drilling here, but that would be petty. (Score: 0.75 points)
10. Again, nothing to do with atheism. There is no proof that all or even most atheists believe anything like this. No points
Final Score : 0.75 points. And I was being generous.
4/5/2012 1:56:19 PM
Observe Halloween, Labor Day and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as holy days
Ok Bryan, I get the point: no pagans, no communists, no niggers.
Just your lilly white, sweet Jesus.
4/5/2012 2:14:41 PM
This is interesting in two ways. First, it demonstrates (via a very shiny mirror) what Fischer would do to the USA if he had the power to impose his theocracy.
Second, it shows how terrified fundies are at the idea of there being no one to control their every word and thought. They would rather have their sworn enemies impose hated rules than be told, "Do your own thing." Freedom frightens them.
These people are control freaks in the saddest sense of the term, and they think everyone else is exactly like them.
4/5/2012 2:37:23 PM
Just another list of Fischerisms.
4/5/2012 3:03:56 PM
STFU Bryan, you hadn't even heard the word sharia until just recently. Prick.
4/5/2012 3:06:56 PM
I really don't understand why Christian fundies always lump Muslims and Secularists together? Surely even they must realise how dumb this association is.
4/5/2012 4:45:20 PM
"Government, not Yahweh, is God."
God can do anything He wants (how could we stop Him?). But some particular sect's (including yours) religious opinions about what God wants don't override civil law. For example, just because some lunatic-fringe Muslims (who also worship Yahweh) believe it's OK to fly planes into buildings doesn't mean we have to tolerate it.
The goal of secular fundamentalists is the extermination of any and all mentions of God and Christ in the public arena.
In the US, there's no restriction on you mentioning God and Christ in the public arena. In fact, it's protected by the First Amendment. There's only a restriction against the government supporting God and Christ, just as it's prohibited from supporting Mohammad or Buddha.
Profanity, blasphemy, vulgarity, obscenity, pornography, all are fine. Criticize homosexual conduct, on the other hand, and we will cause the wrath of our god to descend upon you as a consuming fire.
Profanity, blasphemy, vulgarity, pornography and criticizing homosexual conduct are all legal. Obscenity is not "fine". But it's very narrowly defined.
“Observe Halloween, Labor Day and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as holy days. Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving, on the other hand, must be wiped off school calendars as if they never existed.”
Halloween is not a holiday. Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day are American holidays like the 4th of July; not "holy days". Christmas is a holiday. Easter is always a Sunday, and treated as a holiday.
Fornication and sodomy without repercussions and penalty are okay too.
You may condemn these things all you like. But the government has no interest in such matters.
4/5/2012 6:34:27 PM
Secular imams lol. Points for knowing the word taqqiya, even if you don't quite know what it means or who exactly subscribes to it and are using it as a scare word. After all, as words go it's relatively scary, I guess.
An American 'secularist' under taqqiya would attend church every week, though. Fyi.
Except the last couple of decades we don't need to do that anymore. It's a great relief, but it's not actually hurting you as such. Though I understand it may cause psychic pain.
I'm actually okay with 'secular sharia' as a term, even if you're doing the scare-word thing again, because 'shari'a' is 'law,' and we are in fact under secular law in America. Yaayyyy!
4/5/2012 9:40:04 PM
11. You shall make lists filled with your hyper-distorted views of what Islamic atheists believe, and try to pass them off as "The Ten Commandments, Atheist Muslim Style."
4/6/2012 7:15:12 AM
You shouldn't listen to the secularit living in your head, Bryan, he's talking shit.
4/6/2012 8:26:20 AM
I see that Bryan Fischer has created a new oxymoron.
4/6/2012 10:51:45 AM
first read: o.0??
second:0_o 0_0 ¯\(º_o)/¯
written by bryan fishstick: :-D i get it!
4/6/2012 11:17:12 AM
I was going to bother going through and rebutting your every point but the other commenters have done it much better than I could. So I'll just settle for hoping that you die slowly, painfully and, above all, soon.
4/6/2012 2:30:54 PM
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