What I believe is this: if you masturbate, you will turn into a homosexual, if you aren't one already. If you become a homosexual, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with an animal, and you will catch AIDS and die.
83 comments
I've been doing such for 15 or so years, I still have no attraction to males...I think your "theory" is failing.
Considering straight men are reported more for beastiality, I'd say this part of your "theory" fails too.
For the record, according to this theory I should be a flamer by now, but no, still straight. However, I do have to wear bifocals...
Excuse me, I need to clean the water from my monitor. It sprayed from my mouth from laughing at this bit of nonsense.
:D
Fundie? Not sure, but it gave me a great chuckle in the morning.
if you masturbate, you will turn into a homosexual
So all those tons and tons of cheap pr0n on and off the internet and the millions, if not billions in profits are really only turning the consumers into gays? Good way to destroy ones own market.
If what Michael says is true, 99,999% of males would be gay. They wouldn't make it out of puberty without going gay.
What a brain fart.
What I believe is this: if you masturbate, you will turn into a platypus, if you aren't one already. If you become a platypus, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with an plant, and you will catch the bird flue and become a duck.
"What I believe is this:"
so far, coherent
"if you masturbate, you will turn into a homosexual,"
wrong, and/or non-sequitur
" if you aren't one already."
...have a little more ad-hominem...
" If you become a homosexual, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with an animal, and you will catch AIDS and die. "
yeah, about that... sex, biology, and pretty much everything else doesn't work that way...
So, if a gay man masturbates to gay porn, does he turn straight?
Mother of God... someone call Ted Haggard!!!
Everybody's pleasured themselves sometime in their lives. Nobody has hair on their palms, not everyone's blind, most people DON'T have AIDS & most find zoophilia disgusting.
Also, AIDS is a virus, you can't get it from Ms. Palmer spanking a cute tailed primate while strangling poultry.
You, however, are an idiot!
Hey Michael, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Everybody masturbates or has masturbated at some point in their life. If they say they haven't, they're either lying or so sexually repressed they can't enjoy a simple sexual release and must be afraid of your own sexuality.
I'm no psychologist, but the fact that you believe that if you masturbate it turns you gay either means you're so far into the closet you can't see daylight, or you're one of the totally sexually repressed people afraid of your own sexuality, whatever it may be.
BTW, right after puberty I was beating my dick like it owed me money. Somehow I avoided becoming gay and ended up happily married to a wonderful woman and now have two kids.
"What I believe is this: if you masturbate, you will turn into a homosexual, if you aren't one already. If you become a homosexual, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with an animal, and you will catch AIDS and die."
And I believe you're wrong--and a fucking idiot. But mostly just wrong.
Well what I believe is this: That you and your laughably ignorant theory mentioned above as well as your other vitriolic contexual opinions are worthless and miniscule, that the proverbial froth coming from your mouth needs to find a toilet somewhere instead of eroding the Internet, and that you yourself would serve society better by rotting away and ceasing to exist.
And I say this with all due respect, because no respect is actually due.
This dick is just repeating shit from a book called "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by one of Mormonism's profits,Spencer W. Kimball.
The whole fucking book is nothing but blaming raped/molested people for what happened to them. It's a waste of ink and paper.
Oh it's the retarded vein of logic where masturbating makes you homosexual because you love yourself and you're touching your own genitalia. Except that's autophilia not homosexuality and while I'm sure gay men masturbate just as much as straight men, there is no evidence to show there's any connection at all.
@checkmate
This is not just a brain fart. This is ass-flapping mental diarrhea.
This level of absurdity defies adjectives. Sure, masturbating to Gay porn means you're gay, but masturbating to straight porn means you're straight. It really isn't that difficult.
Aside from that, homosexuality has nothing to do with animal rape. Also, it's implied here that the AIDS came from the animal, which is a huge biology fail in and of itself(in most cases).
Lastly, assuming this was true for a moment, WHY THE FLYING FUCK ISN'T EVERY PERSON ON THE PLANET A HOMOSEXUAL ANIMAL-RAPING AIDS INFECTEE YET!?
I have a hard time accepting that anyone actually believes this. This reminds me of years ago when the Catholic Church stated that masturbation was medically bad for you, and among other things, could cause stroke (after stroke after stroke after stroke, apparently!) I don't know how anyone can repeat this stuff with a straight face when everyone can see through such blatant lies.
Don't forget that you'll grow hair on your palms and go blind. But at least it'll clear up your acne.
The rest of it appears to be nothing more than slippery slope scare tactics. "Don't jerk off because it will make you gay and have sex with animals and die from AIDS! You don't want to die from AIDS, do you?"
I truly feel sorry for this person's kids.
If masturbating while thinking of hot women makes you gay, then actually having sex with hot women makes you even more gay! And the hotter the woman you're having sex with, the gayer you are!
Of course this doesn't apply to women, in which case you should substitute "men" for "women."
@Headache
You are literally no better than him.
Shut your fucking mouth or I'll make you shut it.
By the way, I doubt you ever visited the camp that Anders Breivik shot up.
By the way, is anyone else not surprised that this guy supports SOPA? (Headache probably does too...)
Orientation - Proud Homosexual
# of Times Masturbated - 10,958 approximately (assuming 3 times a day for 10 years).
-removes glasses- Mother of God.....
No, seriously, you're a fucking idiot dude.
So I should have caught AIDS at the age of 12 before anyone recognised that HIV/AIDS existed, and rather than later risking catching it from [names deleted because I was brought up to respect women] I should definitely have caught it from a sheep instead?
I bet Michael Crook has lobbed one off to a sheep. The clue is in the surname.
@Headache
In order to take stupidity to this level, you have to be an American!
Strange, I thought you weren't an American. Are you telling us you are?
If so, in reference to the stupidity level, please speak for yourself.
Yes I am getting annoyed with Headache too. Of course there are stupid people in USA but there are stupid people everywhere.
If he were to make those comments about, purely as an example, Botswana, he might realise how offensive he is being.
Ok, I believe you, boys who masturbate will catch AIDS.
But look at it this way:
How else does a straight boy discovers his sexuality?
With GIRLS!!!
And boys who smooch with girls will catch COOTIES!!!
AIDS, or cooties, I'm sorry but the choice is clear.
P.S.: People, stop getting all worked up over what Headache says, that's the only reason he says it. In other words, he's one happy, well-fed little troll.
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Shucks, I wanted to see if he was over 7 years old.
"In order to take stupidity to this level, you have to be an American!"
Headache, both you and Michael Crook are trolls. You can both fuck off.
Brandy:
Getting multiple commenters to react without crossing the line into bannable territory makes him a succesful troll.
Trolls are just attention whores after all. Nothing forces them to be rude, threatening or otherwise call for a ban... But if you want him out of here, you can always report him and see if a moderator eventually agrees.
And so:
What I believe is this: if you're an attention whore, you will turn into a troll, if you aren't one already. If you become a troll, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with a chanboard, and you will catch AIDS and die.
Masturbating turns you gay?
Give me a minute.
...No, not yet. But I'll keep checking every few hours. The world has to know!
46, still single, still preferring what you so abhor to either committing rape or paying a prostitute (neither of which I think you'd condone)... and still not aroused one whit by a nekkid man, let alone a goat or a sheep.
You might want to rethink your belief, or at least get rid of that mighty slippery cliff you've going there.
What I believe is this: If you pray and go to church every Sunday, you will turn into a penguin. If you have become a penguin, it's only a matter of time before you start dancing and singing, and you will star in the next installment of Happy Feet.
Makes perfect sense.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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