Quote# 76240

The second chapter of the Gospel of John describes the conversion of water into wine by Jesus at a wedding reception. Intuitively one would expect the conversion to occur before anyone tasted the drink. But under quantum mechanics, it is not until observation that matter acquires a definite state. John 2:9 describes this precisely as required by quantum mechanics, and the KJV misses this subtle issue of timing in the conversion.

Andy Schlafly, Conservapedia, Biblical scientific foreknowledge 85 Comments [9/22/2010 3:43:34 AM]
Fundie Index: 115
Submitted By: Night Jaguar

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Stop using big words you don't understand Schlafly, you'll just look like an idiot to the people who do.

9/22/2010 3:46:20 AM


Or it could have missed that subtlety because it was, you know, not what they were talking about in the first place.

Seems the entire theme of the Conservative Bible Project is "The Bible agrees with me on all issues, it just often forgot to mention it, so I'm helpfully filling it in."

9/22/2010 4:12:31 AM

Misinformation like this is the purest evil because it's intentionally destroying people's common sense for political gain. Conservative my ass.

9/22/2010 4:14:30 AM

Anna Ghislaine


9/22/2010 4:15:50 AM

Percy Q. Shunn

and the KJV misses this subtle issue of timing

But, but, I thought the bible was the unerringly perfect word of gawd...

And, is that some science I see there?

Oh, Andy; you're so silly. You want to have it both ways!

9/22/2010 4:19:31 AM

Doctor Whom

If you're going to misuse quantum mechanics to back up your particular brand of woo, take a number and wait.

9/22/2010 4:21:05 AM

David B.

Wow, Andy, so you're saying God makes that common mistake about quantum mechanics too!

So much for divine omniscience.

9/22/2010 4:22:19 AM


Of course, given the nature of Quantum Physics. coupled with the Uncertainty Principle.said water may have turned into, say Hydrocyanic Acid, rather than Wine.
Of course, given the Greek habit of drinking watered wine, you just add wine...

9/22/2010 4:24:43 AM

The Jamo

Deepak Chopra, is that you?

Oh, it's just Andy. *sigh* Carry on.

9/22/2010 4:28:58 AM


There's a few ways this incident can be interpreted. 'Turning water into wine' may have been a saying akin to 'turning a sow's ear into a silk purse', i.e., Jesus had turned something valueless into something valuable. It's possible that this was an early conversion event involving baptism by water. The hint is that the jars of water were 'of the kind used for Jewish rites of purification.'
Secondly, the power that turns water into wine is the sun, through the medium of the grapevine. This may be an example of a Bacchic or sun-worship religious story making its way into the gospels.

9/22/2010 4:32:21 AM

Mister Spak

Does this mean Andy is not batshit insane until someone reads conservapedia?

9/22/2010 4:34:55 AM


A fundie talking about quantum mechanics.. kind of like a camel talking about space travel.

9/22/2010 4:35:24 AM

Table Rock

Schrodinger's Jesus: Jesus is both dead and resurrected until the women enter his cave.

9/22/2010 4:50:34 AM


Andy, that stuff in your hands is called straw.

9/22/2010 5:03:00 AM

Dan Onymous

It's pretending it understands some science, just like a grown up. Ah, bless.

9/22/2010 5:03:14 AM

Someone could probably set up a website called "Andrew Schlafly says the darndest things" (ASSTDT.com - emphasis on the first three letters there). It would be comparable in size to FSTDT.com, for sure ...

9/22/2010 5:13:14 AM

The L

Okay, you've used science to explain one myth...

Now explain how Diana was able to turn Actaeon into a stag.

9/22/2010 5:20:33 AM


I bet he's very proud of that post.

9/22/2010 5:40:49 AM


Yes indeeed.
If you read every twelfth (for the twelve apostles) letter of the Gospel according to John, it says so in exactly those words. Followed by the expression "Just kidding, Andy Schlafly is a dick."

9/22/2010 5:48:14 AM

Quantum physics. It doesn't work how you think it works.

9/22/2010 5:54:13 AM

Doubting Thomas

It's always funny when fundies try to use science to prove that bible stories are true.

9/22/2010 6:04:26 AM


I'm pretty sure you were still a moron long before I'd ever heard of you.

Edit: Damn, well beaten by Mister Spak

9/22/2010 6:10:25 AM


I don't think that word (quantum mechanics) means what you think it means.

9/22/2010 6:19:27 AM


Want to know a better explanation for the whole turning water into wine thing? Mass hypnosis. Give a person a glass of water, then hypnotize him/her into believing it's wine and guess what? When he or she drinks enough of it, they'll get drunk...

9/22/2010 6:37:05 AM


"Intuitively one would expect the conversion to occur before anyone tasted the drink. But under quantum mechanics, it is not until observation that matter acquires a definite state."

You know as much about Quantum Mechanics as Prof. Stephen Hawking does about competing in the 100 Metres against Usain Bolt*, and winning.

"John 2:9 describes this precisely as required by quantum mechanics, and the KJV misses this subtle issue of timing in the conversion."

John 2:9 (NIV, 1984): "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness."

And that's from the most recently adapted version (certainly one approved by the Plain English Campaign). And this titbit of Scripture relates to Quantum Mechanics, or even accelerated fermentation processes... how?

You may know bugger all about QM (or any aspect of Quantum Physics), but you're undoubtedly the master of the Non-sequitur, Andy Schaftafly.

*- Usain Bolt is employed by the scientists at CERN. He's the pacemaker for the Large Hadron Collider.


9/22/2010 6:46:05 AM

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