*why masturbation is bad*
It hurts God, He watches everything and nothing is hidden from
Why is masturbating wrong?
[4/28/2008 7:56:23 PM]
Fundie Index: 0
If that is the case, god should be dead now. He's pummeled every hour or every day with hurt. How can he still function?
4/28/2008 8:50:14 PM
With all the people in the world that masturbate, god would have been killed several thousand times by now.
4/28/2008 8:57:35 PM
Fei Fong Wong
Hey, there's a reason I'm called the Slayer of God. It's not because of my Id persona, but because I'm a chronic masturbator.
Why else do you think I have to wear this freaking plate in front of my crotch?
4/28/2008 9:21:10 PM
NO WHACKS ME WIFF MASTERBAYSHUN!
4/28/2008 9:26:38 PM
Witty Name Here
God: Only hit by semen* or +1 or better weapons.
*Female masturbation ignored on account of those people most likely not being aware of its existence.
4/28/2008 9:39:31 PM
And it hurts him, why?, now having an orgasm hurts, why exactly?. Besides, I find funny that he "observes". Ok, why doesn't he intervene?
4/28/2008 9:44:47 PM
True story: I lost my virginity to a catholic girl. After sex she cried (to be expected; I sucked) and said "we did that in front of god."
Talk about pressure.
4/28/2008 9:50:18 PM
Yet another reason to enjoy it.
4/28/2008 9:56:03 PM
4/28/2008 10:04:41 PM
How do they know it hurts god? Why would an omnipotent being care?
But, If it does hurt him why did he 'intelligently' design us with the ability to do something that is enjoyable and doesn't hurt anyone (include self)
4/28/2008 10:05:57 PM
OK, the guy is of course deeply silly, but c'mon, PartorofMuppets is a pretty funny name.
4/28/2008 10:13:08 PM
Maester Seymour's Mother
This is a Poe, I think; check out his username. Either way, I'm amused.
4/28/2008 10:20:30 PM
God the voyeur ...
Just don't aim it at the ceiling - He takes that as a bit rude ...
4/28/2008 10:38:15 PM
Masturbation makes baby Jesus cry.
4/28/2008 10:55:59 PM
I knew there was some reason it was bad. But I thought it had to do with hairy palms and insanity.
4/28/2008 10:57:17 PM
"Just don't aim it at the ceiling - He takes that as a bit rude .."
I usually aim for my nipples or belly button.
4/28/2008 11:12:02 PM
"It hurts God"
The he is obvously doing it wrong.
4/28/2008 11:12:34 PM
a fundie metallica fan...
i don't know whether to laugh or cry
maybe he just heard that somewhere and didn't get the reference...
4/28/2008 11:15:24 PM
But its a good kind of hurt...
And in anycase... Pastor Of Muppets? AWESOME! Is it too late to rename myself?
4/28/2008 11:15:27 PM
So you're saying that He is in complete torment now? I thought He is omnipotent.
4/28/2008 11:28:43 PM
Benny, is that you?
4/28/2008 11:50:03 PM
I don't do it every day (twice on thursdays) because it's awesome and feels great. I do it to improve my prostate health. That's my story and I'm sticky...er, I mean sticking to it.
4/28/2008 11:50:39 PM
so why is it that all the other mammals on our planet masturbate too?
4/28/2008 11:59:18 PM
So....God watches people masturbate, and he cries when he sees it? God is a masochistic pervert. Why is he watching if it hurts him?
4/29/2008 12:01:17 AM
Oh crap, God got him before he could finish his sentence!
4/29/2008 12:16:54 AM