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Quote# 31192

(Big Jesus FTW!)

If you're worried about your wicked behavior being watched by a camera by the police department, let me tell you there is a bigger camera that is watching all of your wicked behavior. It's call the Lord God Jesus Christ. And he sees everything. So turn off your computer porn and stop rubbing yourself in unholy ways, stop picking up whores in cheap bars and stop shoving long objects up your under-hole. Yes, God is watching, don't be afraid of Big Brother, because Big Jesus is watching and you will be swimming in a molting lake of fire if you don't hand over your life to Jesus, libtards. I'm praying for you, it's probably a lost cause, but I'm earning points with Jesus.

Maxine, The Daily Page, Madison WI 50 Comments [11/14/2007 9:07:09 PM]
Fundie Index: 5
Submitted By: zipperback
WTF?! || meh
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#336171
Tempus

So only liberals masturbate now?

That would answer SOOO much...

11/15/2007 6:16:04 AM

#336180
Frank

You're right. From now on it's only whores in expensive swanky restaurants that I'll be picking up.

11/15/2007 6:29:35 AM

#336197
Jezebel's Evil Sister

Opinions are like under-holes; everybody has one.

(But only some stink as much as Maxine's.)

11/15/2007 6:48:27 AM

#336208
Emma

Maxine needs to read Matthew 7, Jesus is not too nice about judgemental hypocrites.

11/15/2007 7:05:35 AM

#336215
Heather

"molten" not "molting" the lake of fire isn't shedding bits of flames all over Hell is it?

11/15/2007 7:10:50 AM

#336231
Sideshow Bob

This is so cocky and ludicrous that it HAS to be a trap. Poe's Law don't fail me now.

11/15/2007 7:42:39 AM

#336290


"I'll pray even though I hate you because it gets me JESUSPOINTS!"

11/15/2007 8:56:18 AM

#336309
NonProphet

Is there a Praying for Jesuspoints Award?

11/15/2007 9:19:45 AM

#336314
Blackvoice

When your god is a voyeur...

11/15/2007 9:24:16 AM

#336328
GigaGuess

Does Jesus know you have no intentions of us finding salvation, and that you're just shooting for brownie points?

How Christian.

11/15/2007 9:52:34 AM

#336380
aqualung

Under hole? WTF? Do you still use pee-pee and wee-wee too? And you people wonder why we don't take you seriously.

11/15/2007 11:15:54 AM

#336445
Old Viking

He doesn't see me rubbing myself in unholy ways 'cause I do it under the blankets.

11/15/2007 12:40:20 PM

#336461
Ceiling Cat

It's true. I am watching you masturbate.

11/15/2007 1:02:36 PM

#336462
Tomby Stone

Jesus thinks you're a pain in the underhole.

11/15/2007 1:04:24 PM

#336465
Greyblade

Funny how serving God so quickly turns to serving self.

11/15/2007 1:10:09 PM

#336501
aqualung


11/15/2007 2:29:47 PM

#336502
The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Sorry Maxine, it is I who see everything you're doing.

And stop it!
You'll go insane!

11/15/2007 2:33:55 PM

#336661
tracer

Lex Kitten wrote:

"S[p]eaking from experience, Maxine? Did "Big Jesus" catch you "rubbing yourself in unholy ways"? You seem to know an awful lot about it..."


Darn it, Lex Kitten, you beat me to it!


(And it sounds like Maxine is beating herself to it an awful lot, too.)

11/15/2007 7:04:47 PM

#336719
Lithp

Why on earth is sexual pleasure evil? He put this thing here! He put all the chemical messengers in place to trigger sexual desire! And...I sound like as big a pervert as you & your vision of Jesus....

11/15/2007 8:26:53 PM

#342722
Reese

"I'm praying for you, it's probably a lost cause, but I'm earning points with Jesus."

ooh! ooh! can you exchange your jesus points for a cool jesus branded set of walkie talkies or other prizes?

11/23/2007 9:12:33 PM

#343045
Sverdrup

Is Jesus or god is watching us masturbate?
FUCKING PERVERTS!

11/24/2007 8:52:21 AM

#343214
Safaraz

SO not only are you showing your god to be the biggest (as it where) voyeur ever, you are also admitting that you only care for people for your own ends, to increase your chance of getting into heaven. Wow, this really makes me want to convert...

11/24/2007 2:32:32 PM

#886087
Dr. Shrinker

"I'm praying for you, it's probably a lost cause, but I'm earning points with Jesus."

So Jesus rewards insincerity like yours? You need to read up a bit about the fellow you claim to worship. I am sure it will be interesting for you to read the gospels as its pretty clear you have never done so.

2/7/2009 10:03:28 PM

#886649
Tolpuddle Martyr

Lord God Jesus Christ watches me rub myself? Eeewwww!

2/8/2009 7:27:32 AM

#1182813
Rapax Pringer

Insert obligatory GOD WATCHES YOU MASTURBATE comment here.

7/19/2010 6:13:23 PM
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