Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In Forums

Quote# 22673

[From "10 Ways to Practice Purity"]

Acknowledge Jesus' presence on every date.

10 Ways to Practice Purity, Christianity Today 39 Comments [3/29/2007 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 0
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2
#194767
Mike

Not fundie.

3/29/2007 3:53:59 AM

#195230
Fed Up

Does Jesus get a blowjob?

3/30/2007 12:44:29 AM

#195336
WritingIsMyReligion

Through orgasms?

\"JESUS!\"

3/30/2007 1:37:58 AM

#195359
anevilmeme

Yes if things go well both you and your date will be in the back seat saying: Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!!!!!!

3/30/2007 1:49:48 AM

#195479
JD

\"OH JESUS! OH JESUS! YES! YES!!!\"

3/30/2007 2:38:49 AM

#195486
OhNoNo

Look Jesus, here's five bucks, go see The Passion or something.

3/30/2007 2:41:54 AM

#195568
Old Viking

Kinky.

3/30/2007 3:12:07 AM

#195604
Cat of Many Faces

\"And this is jesus. He'll be watching over us on this date\"

\"err... okay...\" backs away slowly, then runs.

3/30/2007 3:27:02 AM

#195656
Man Called True

Only if he agrees to pick up the tab.

3/30/2007 3:58:39 AM

#195662
cheapthrills

If they go \"Dutch\", Do they owe each other sex?

3/30/2007 4:05:30 AM

#195690
MrBadAxe

As soon as she gets into my car, I point out my Wash Away Your Sins air freshener, where Jesus hangs from my rear view, keeping my car smelling godly.

This takes about two seconds, after which I immediately ask her where she wants to go eat.

3/30/2007 4:43:03 AM

#195696
JaredM

Ooh, MMF threesome with Jesus...now that's kinky.

3/30/2007 4:49:32 AM

#195825
Redhunter

Home Run For Jesus?

So when you feel that extra pair of hands groping you under your blouse, you know your boyfried called on jesus again.

GIRL ON DATE: \"Does He have to ride along on every, every date we go on? He just sits in the back seat and grins at me. He's really creeping me out.\"

3/30/2007 7:02:59 AM

#195954
Matilde

Be more specific. Henry the VIII, Pope Borgia, Haggart and Bakker ackowledged Jesus in theory........................and we all know what happened.

3/30/2007 9:25:09 AM

#196054
Prager

Jesus is a voyeur?

3/30/2007 11:48:39 AM

#196056
Captain Janeway

What about when I'm taking dump? Is Jesus there too?

3/30/2007 11:50:30 AM

#196111
Doctor Whom

The list isn't that fundy. In fact, I liked #9:
9) Put real love first. Genuine love always respects the other person. It never says, \"If you love me, you'll … \" Real love says instead, \"Since I care about you so much, I will respect you, treat you with kindness, and never ask you to do something you know or feel is wrong.\"

3/30/2007 12:36:46 PM

#196138
Easy Lover

My favourite was
4) Remember whose property you're touching. You do not own the person you're dating. That person belongs to God. Imagine there's a sign on everyone you date that reads: PROPERTY OF JESUS.

Where should I look for this label?

3/30/2007 1:03:32 PM

#196214
BurntBush

LOL, oh she does.

3/30/2007 2:44:06 PM

#196217
New Hope

Redhunter, you owe me a new keyboard.

And as for the list, a lot of it is actually not bad advice. I give it maybe a 2 on the fundie scale.

3/30/2007 2:48:34 PM

#196350
Mister Spak

Are we talking about a threesome here?

3/30/2007 5:00:38 PM

#196410
Øyvind

Not really a fundamentalist, Yahweh. Sorry to say so.

3/30/2007 5:59:25 PM

#196887
Current

Not that fundy, although it can be kinda creepy. The list is too focused in making sex look bad, but it compares favorably to a lot of fundies.

3/31/2007 12:47:10 AM

#196914
Pix

Well, okay, but he doesn't get to pick the restaurant.

3/31/2007 1:15:22 AM

#197732
Zipperback

\"Table for two sir?\"

\"No, table for THREE.\"

4/1/2007 2:51:32 AM
1 2