bria

Never trust a religion whose ultimant goal is the end of the world...Nostragoth

8/3/2006 4:48:07 AM

Yarps

This whole rapture thing is purely an American disease, right? I don't remember any of my Christian friends back in the UK thinking this way.

8/3/2006 4:55:42 AM

Hadanelith

Where do you get these stupid ideas?

8/3/2006 5:00:01 AM

CousinTed

Bah, such fantasies are merely man's way of coming to terms with the TRUE end of the world. The world will not be destroyed by hellfire, or nuclear war or natural disasters, but by the wrath of The Master of R'lyeh.

Aeons ago, when the world was young and desolate, the Elder Things, creatures far more intelligent or evolved than anything we know today, came down from the stars to make Earth their home. They planted the seeds of life in our primitive oceans to produce food and built collosal cities in what is now Antarctica. They reigned as gods among our primitive ancestors.

And yet even the Elder Things could not face the horrors that were to come. Something else came down to Earth, something more horrible than even even the grotesque Elder Things.

Accompanied by his servants, the Starspawn, the Master of R'lyeh flew down onto the Earth to claim it as his home. He built his fabbled city of R'lyeh and brought horror onto the inhabitants of Primordeal Earth. He was no alien, he was a god.

The Elder Things wared with the Sleeping One, hoping to wrentch the Northern part of the planet from His unholy grasp. But even the advanced technology possessed by the Elder Things was not enough to fell the Master. Hope seemed lost for the inhabitants of Earth.

And then, a curious thing happened, the city of R'lyeh mysteriously sank beneath the ocean taking the Master and his Starspawn with it. The planet was at peace once again, the Master had been defeated. Or had he?

Though the Elder Things have long since left our world, killed by technological stagnation; a changing climate and the rebellion of their servants, The Sleeping One still lingers \"That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange æons, even death may die\". The Master of R'lyeh still lives, sleeping deep beneath the sea in his Great City. And he will soon awake.

\"When the stars are right, R'lyeh will rise from the sea, never to sink again, and Cthulhu will awaken and revel across the world — \"ravening for delight\". Nothing can save you from the fury of Almighty Cthulhu! Humans are but ants which have infested The Sleeping One's home and he means to exterminate them one by one. Cthulhu would think no more of wiping us out than we would of killing a dust mite. None can stand against Him.

And there still remain those who read my warnings and laugh. You think it possible to use technology, space travel and the like, to escape Cthulhu's wrath. But you could not be more wrong. Even if we were to escape from the clutches of Cthulhu, even if we were able to leave our world behind as the Elder Things did oh so many aeons ago, we would not be safe. For Cthulhu is not the only God to exist in this universe. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of other gods living throughout the universe, many of whom would make even Cthulhu himself whimper. And none are as forgiving as The Master.

So remove all of these thoughts of a messiah saviour and resolve any disputes you still have for very soon, when the stars are right, He will awaken!

8/3/2006 5:26:34 AM

Joshi

Do not be fooled by Cousin Ted's blasphemy. Dread Cthulhu is a power to be reckoned with, yes, but he is not god. He is merely an Old One. As we are before him and his kin, he is before the Nuclear Chaos, Azathoth, true god of the cosmos.

8/3/2006 6:15:17 AM

CousinTed

Speak not the name of the Blind Idiot God! Lest you summon him into our midst!

8/3/2006 6:18:32 AM

Catbert18 in Massachusetts



You wish. You're just jealous of our ...fabulousness.

8/3/2006 6:40:24 AM

Hadanelith

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftagn!
Yes! Yes! The Dreamer awakes!

8/3/2006 6:47:47 AM

SPark2001

\"Dogs and cats living together -- mass hysteria!\"

8/3/2006 6:57:20 AM

NotMe



So the chinese will kill all humans on the planet except the chinese? You do realize that several hundred million chinese have to die in battle for this to work, don't you?

8/3/2006 7:20:34 AM

Prager

Tom Clancy meets 'Left Behind'.

8/3/2006 7:24:56 AM

Mister Spak

\"Rich people will finally get their just reward\"

Tax increases?

8/3/2006 12:13:35 PM

JustinGG

Seriously, you lost me with the bit about Bill Clinton on his throne in Israel.

8/3/2006 1:02:36 PM

nico

all hail king william of israel!!

8/3/2006 1:30:14 PM

Dr. Major

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftagn!
I for one welcome our new squid-like overlords!

8/3/2006 1:42:37 PM

Incubusion

Welcome them? Cthulhu does not need your welcome! Simply prepare yourself to become his meal so that you may be consumed early!

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftagn!

8/3/2006 1:46:18 PM

Nekhbet

Unleash the Hounds of Tindalos. Death to everyone.

8/3/2006 1:47:16 PM

David D.G.

Wow, that's quite some Apocalyptic Dreaming you've got there. You probably should lay off the acid; you'll sleep better.


~David D.G.

8/3/2006 2:02:12 PM

Nicole

Ahahaha!

No.

8/3/2006 2:03:52 PM

bria

Bill Clinton left office years ago. where have you been?

8/3/2006 2:33:01 PM

niccomm

Well, it's good to know that Bill Clinton has found some work, but the Jesus on a white horse thing? That's just crazy talk.

8/3/2006 2:54:18 PM

zen

Hmmph...and to think that my fundie in-laws scoffed at me for learning Mandarin and Cantonese.

8/3/2006 3:20:24 PM

TheAmazingToby

So if the rich and the poor are all killed....It's good to be the middle class.

8/3/2006 3:34:49 PM

Papabear

This is what happens when one chews up and swallows the weird Xian theology then pulls it out of ones ass.

8/3/2006 3:59:44 PM

Sandman

\"Nuclear explosions will light up the Eastern seaboard of the United States, Bill Clinton will declare Marshall law within the United States from his newly established throne in Israel.”

“Marshall law?” Is that a guy named Law who is a Federal Marshall or is he referring to the neo-fascist comic book character from the early ‘90s? Bill Clinton establishes a throne in Israel? What the hell? Firstly, if Bill was going to take over the world and set up a “throne,” he wouldn’t do it in Israel. This is Bill Clinton, man, he would establish his throne in Vegas or Rio or Monaco, not boring old Israel. Secondly, are you asserting that Bill Clinton is the anti-christ? Bill freaking Clinton? Um…there are other, more recent, US presidents who seem to fit the profile a bit clearer. Where in the prophecies does it say “And he will come out of the city of the small rock, and he will promote social legislation. He will be hounded by the rolled weed of smoke and the gown of stained azure when he succumbs to the siren call of the chubby woman of internship. And he will ride the skirt tails of his wife into the throne of all the world and feast on the souls of the faithful from his palace in the land of Christ.” Show me where it says that.

“Chaos will insue on the North American continent.”

What’s “insue” mean?

“Food will be so scarce that people will start to eat one another as they do now in North Korea.”

Kim Sung Ill Chow?

“Rich people will continue to try living their life-syle as if nothing happened, but will only be killed for their coveted possessions. Rich people will finally get their just reward…death and misery.”

All rich people deserve to die? Sounds like you’re a communist, you sure you want to come out against capitalism? After all, it is one of the pet ideals of you fundies…

“There will be a 15 month period on earth where people will wish they could die but cannot.”

Similar to how I feel reading your post.

“The poor will have already been dead because they couldn’t get enough to eat or could not afford a shelter to survive.”

So the rich won’t be dead from their “just reward?” Come on man, if the rich are all killed for their possessions, and the poor are all dead from lack of food and shelter, who the hell is suffering in the 15 month period?

“China will take over the world in a swift thrust towards the Middle East, this will action will capture all the oil reserves”

China thrusting towards the Middle East isn’t actually that far of a trip for them, and would not involve taking over the world, it’s practically next door. China going East through the USA to get to the Middle East is just stupid.

“and destroy as many people as they can, reducing the world population down to approximately 1 billion.”

So they would kill everyone who isn’t Chinese? That would take a hell of a long time…you sure this is going to happen fast?

“The world as we know it will come to an end”

There is a theory that if anyone ever figures out what the world is actually for, it will immediately disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory that this has already happened. Then there is your theory that if you can stick your head far enough up your own ass, you can see Jesus. (Apologies to Douglas Adams.)

“as Jesus Christ returns on a white horse with all of the believer in him around the year 2007.”

Your grammar sucks, but it’s nice to know that Jesus has a sense of theater. Wait…a sense of theater? Uh oh, maybe he’s gay….

“If he didn’t come back at this time the world would be completely destroyed. This is just the highlights of the troubles that the world is in for.\"

Well, your skill at verb tenses is as good as your skill at thinking clearly, I see. (Helpful hint to all you fundies out there…if no one can understand what you are trying to say, there is no use saying it.) And Jesus hasn’t decided if he’s coming back or not? What, is he waiting to find out how they wrap up the story on “LOST?” Does he have a date? Is he a finalist on “Heaven’s Got Talent” and if he makes the finals he won’t be able to make the end of the universe?

8/3/2006 4:18:41 PM