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Quote# 13298

During my devotion I asked God what he want me to do. I opened my bible and it opened to Deuteronomy. I thought of a number 1 - 100 and I choose 4. I read all verse 4's in the two revealed pages. In those pages.... it basically said that I were to minister to my old friends. Bring them closer to GOD. Thats how GOD told me his plan for my life. And I plan to follow through it.

~*mArCkEeShA*~, MySpace 33 Comments [7/24/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 2
WTF?! || meh
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#56138
Prager

WOW! I did the same thing but the book said I must carry the ring to Mount Doom. I don't think I'll follow it through.

7/25/2006 9:56:54 AM
#56142
Sauron

Good. Because the last thing I need is more tourists carrying rings to Mount Doom. I really need to set up a theme ride for that shit or something...

7/25/2006 10:08:33 AM
#56143
Incubusion

You can draw what ever meaning you want from anything if you try hard enough.

7/25/2006 10:09:04 AM
#56154
Redhunter

I also flipped (well, as much as one can 'flip' the pages of an on-line bible) to Deuteronomy and picked the number 17:

The first one says \"And the lord said to me\"

The second one says: \"Its western border was the Jordan in the Arabah, from Kinnereth to the Sea of the Arabah (the Salt Sea [f] ), below the slopes of Pisgah.\"

Well, sometimes it doesn't work I guess.

7/25/2006 11:58:40 AM
#56158
Dante's Virgil

This sounds like the spot where Caesar the ape got to pick his own name out of the dictionary in Planet of the Apes (the old ones).

7/25/2006 12:20:15 PM
#56159
Taste my steel

at least he didn't open it on leviticus and pick 20.

7/25/2006 12:29:47 PM
#56166
JadedRevenge

I randomly picked a text book, then page, then line number...

I must solve the problems encountered in calculating the Internal Rate of Return...Finally, a calling.

7/25/2006 1:02:03 PM
#56176
Sandman

Just to see what God's plan for my lif is by this methos, I grabbed my copy of the Bible and gave it a try.

I flipped it open and let my eyes fall on the page. I saw Matthew 27:5, ...\"and departed, and went and hanged himself.\"

That depressed me so I tried again and my eyes fell on the last part of Deuteronomy 15:17, \"Thou shalt do likewise.\"

Um....God seems to be advocating suicide...

7/25/2006 2:16:47 PM
#56184
David D.G.

Bibliomancy is a type of divination. Divination is magic. If you're performing magic, that means you're a witch. Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live, especially if it weighs the same as a duck -- burn her!


~David D.G.

7/25/2006 2:26:10 PM
#56199
Papabear

David D.G. -- That exactly what I was thinking. The only question left us is whether to burn her, stone her or drown her.

7/25/2006 3:04:25 PM
#56202


Can't drown a witch cos they float.

7/25/2006 4:16:52 PM
#56208
Libkitten

You know, if you think about it long enough, you can come up with your own plan without resorting to random chance.

7/25/2006 4:32:56 PM
#56260
Papabear

You're 15 years old. How many \"old friends\" do you have?

7/25/2006 8:22:32 PM
#56269
TDR

just weigh her and see if she weighs the same as a duck, sillies!

7/25/2006 8:34:58 PM
#56272
NotMe

I'm glad for his (future) spawn that he didn't open the bible at Psalm 137:9.

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

7/25/2006 8:39:54 PM
#56293
Napoloen the Clown

You ask the Bible. I ask my d20.

Shit.

7/25/2006 9:36:07 PM
#56297
McCulloch

David D.G., Papabear, #61532 and TDR,

Thank you.

7/25/2006 9:39:37 PM
#56374
Julian

Awesome... If only you'd chosen 14 and gone Kosher, or 28 and realised what a total cunt of a God you worship.

7/26/2006 6:23:44 AM
#56434
arensb

One time, when my business was failing, I turned to the Bible for guidance. I opened it to a random page, and right there in front of me was the answer I needed: it said \"Chapter 11\".

7/26/2006 1:43:42 PM
#56533
kkkron

Why don't you go pick a random building, and jump off it. The pattern your organs make on the floor will amuse me, if nothing else.

7/26/2006 9:31:16 PM
#56534
kkkron

Psalm 132:17 : There will I make the horn of David to bud: I have ordained a lamp for mine anointed.

I sure don't hope this means my calling in life is to suck off some guy called David and then ordain the lamp of te anointed. Sounds kinky.

7/26/2006 9:34:12 PM
#57196
Maronan

Soooooo... You're devoting your life to doing what a random book says when you flip it to a random page. Uuuumm 'kay. It's your life, not mine. I won't stop you from wasting it.

7/29/2006 5:52:08 AM
#57695
Crosis

Ok, Sauron needs to buy me a new keyboard.

7/30/2006 11:10:11 PM
#79957


I grabbed my bible and opened it to a random page and it said to kill all first born... Um what should I do?
I opened it again and it said to bash in the brains of people..
Maybe this isnt a good why to find a job.

9/19/2006 3:03:42 AM
#79961
Julian

Oh why couldn't it have been this:

Deuteronomy 28:21-22
21 The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.
22 The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

or this, he REALLY gets on a roll:
Deuteronomy 28:27-35
27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.
28 The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart:
29 And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save [thee].
30 Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof.
31 Thine ox [shall be] slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass [shall be] violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep [shall be] given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue [them].
32 Thy sons and thy daughters [shall be] given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail [with longing] for them all the day long: and [there shall be] no might in thine hand.
33 The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed alway:
34 So that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.
35 The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head.
__________________________

Yeppers, that was before hell was invented. That was what God would do to you in you failed to keep the 10 commandments (which aren't the 10 commandments they 'use' today) for 1,000 generations.

9/19/2006 3:23:31 AM
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