Why exactly is it ok to not tell your partner you're hiv+? I mean... you can give it to them. I'm not arguing with you btw I'm sure there's a good reason I just want to know what it is.

there are multiple issues with “omg you MUST disclose your HIV status or you’re evil!” Number one, I actually can’t give HIV to a partner, because I have an undetectable viral load and high CD4s. Even without barrier protection, I am not a transmission risk. The medical community has been aware that antiretroviral treatment prevents transmission since 2008, but because of political concerns, HIV stigma, and homophobia, this fact has not been widely promoted in the public.

It also indicates a level of complacency on the part of the person saying it. Your sexual health is your responsibility as much as it is your partner’s, and the people who are high-risk for transmission are people unaware of their HIV infection, i.e. people who believe they are HIV-negative. In communities where HIV is a reality, the only responsible thing to do is to treat all potential partners as if they are HIV+ and unaware, rather than to take anyone at their word (get on PrEP!!!)

The reality is, it is SAFER to have sex with a partner who is aware of their HIV status and managing their infection than it is someone who belives they are negative (and how often is that person getting tested? Be honest, how often do YOU get tested?).

It also paints HIV+ people in an unfair, predatory light. Most sex is non-transmissible. Most HIV+ people are decent human beings (lurid exaggerated news stories aside). If an HIV+ person engages in oral sex (one of those non-transmissible sex acts) without disclosing, why does it matter? Why are the irrational, medically-inaccurate stigmatizing fears of HIV-negative people given overwhelming precedence over the well-being of poz people?

Do I think is is “ok” to withold your status, or to lie about it? Not really. It is not nearly as big a deal as it is made out to be, but honesty is still better than dishonesty. After all, you never know when a hook-up might turn into a relationship, and “so I know you thought I was negative when we met” is a messy, un-fun conversation.

The TERFs who insist that non-disclosure=rape are unaware of any of this, and they don’t care so they can burn, but that’s the long and short of it.

Tags: #Hiv #serophobia #terf