Quote# 130474

Why exactly is it ok to not tell your partner you're hiv+? I mean... you can give it to them. I'm not arguing with you btw I'm sure there's a good reason I just want to know what it is.

there are multiple issues with “omg you MUST disclose your HIV status or you’re evil!” Number one, I actually can’t give HIV to a partner, because I have an undetectable viral load and high CD4s. Even without barrier protection, I am not a transmission risk. The medical community has been aware that antiretroviral treatment prevents transmission since 2008, but because of political concerns, HIV stigma, and homophobia, this fact has not been widely promoted in the public.

It also indicates a level of complacency on the part of the person saying it. Your sexual health is your responsibility as much as it is your partner’s, and the people who are high-risk for transmission are people unaware of their HIV infection, i.e. people who believe they are HIV-negative. In communities where HIV is a reality, the only responsible thing to do is to treat all potential partners as if they are HIV+ and unaware, rather than to take anyone at their word (get on PrEP!!!)

The reality is, it is SAFER to have sex with a partner who is aware of their HIV status and managing their infection than it is someone who belives they are negative (and how often is that person getting tested? Be honest, how often do YOU get tested?).

It also paints HIV+ people in an unfair, predatory light. Most sex is non-transmissible. Most HIV+ people are decent human beings (lurid exaggerated news stories aside). If an HIV+ person engages in oral sex (one of those non-transmissible sex acts) without disclosing, why does it matter? Why are the irrational, medically-inaccurate stigmatizing fears of HIV-negative people given overwhelming precedence over the well-being of poz people?

Do I think is is “ok” to withold your status, or to lie about it? Not really. It is not nearly as big a deal as it is made out to be, but honesty is still better than dishonesty. After all, you never know when a hook-up might turn into a relationship, and “so I know you thought I was negative when we met” is a messy, un-fun conversation.

The TERFs who insist that non-disclosure=rape are unaware of any of this, and they don’t care so they can burn, but that’s the long and short of it.

Tags: #Hiv #serophobia #terf

sobercommunist, tumblr 11 Comments [8/12/2017 4:58:31 PM]
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Shepard Solus

I couldn't craft a less correct series of arguments if you paid me to do it and gave me a month. This makes "it takes more faith to be an atheist" look like a veritable theistic Hitchslap by comparison.

8/12/2017 5:28:17 PM


And this has what to do with Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminism?

8/12/2017 5:58:52 PM



I'm torn here, I really am. I have sympathy for HIV+ people who experience hatred and discrimination because of their condition. HIV isn't a death sentence anymore, and even if it was, people don't need to treat HIV+ people like they're pestilence incarnate.

I also agree that knowing your partner has a disease but is treating it is better than not knowing. But you know what makes it better? KNOWING. If you don't tell somebody you're HIV+, they don't know that they should keep an eye on their own health. And sure, maybe that's something everybody should be responsible enough to do on their own. But you are still responsible for telling people before you introduce them to a possible health risk.

Non-disclosure IS rape. It's rape by deception. Somebody consented to sex with you under the impression that you did not have a transmissible disease. You do. You gained their consent under a false pretense, so you raped them.

You are worthy of a loving, committed relationship, if that's what you want. Or casual one night stands, if that's your thing too. Just make sure you stick to partners who know your status. I'm sure there are other HIV+ people out there, or people who are willing to take the risk; you just need to tell them. If you don't, you're not just being a huge jerk, you're committing a crime.

8/12/2017 10:53:59 PM


l take the medical advice from.a doctor over you. Just to be safe.

8/12/2017 11:31:09 PM

Hasan Prishtina

Judging from the OP's monicker, someone with as little regard for other people's lives as for other people's property.

8/13/2017 12:45:52 AM

And if you infect someone because you didn't tell them, you can be charged with attempted murder. At least in the US.

8/13/2017 5:45:27 AM

Doubting Thomas

If you have HIV, you are a transmission risk unless you're 100% abstinent.

8/13/2017 6:06:57 AM

Demon Duck of Doom

"The TERFs who insist that non-disclosure=rape are unaware of any of this, and they don’t care so they can burn, but that’s the long and short of it."

I fail to see what this has to do with trans people.

8/13/2017 10:26:10 AM


When TERFs talk about nondisclosure = rape they are NOT talking about if you have an STD or not.

8/13/2017 1:32:16 PM

Non-disclosure about HIV isn't rape, it's fucking bio-terrorism.

8/13/2017 2:50:12 PM

@ Doubting Thomas

Oh it's a little less straightforward than that. While saliva won't transmit HIV if your gums bleed that'll do the job, so oral contact is out. Toothbrushes, nail clippers, utensils... anything that might have carried blood on it could be a vector. People tend to forget HIV isn't just a sex thing.

8/13/2017 3:10:24 PM

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