usachinanukewar #fundie usachinanukewar.wordpress.com

Obsessed with other earthly men? Are you kidding me? Jesus is gotta kill me for sleeping with other men. I’m so horrified by Jesus’ Almighty Power. Jesus bashed me into the brink of death once, so I fully grasp the feeling of being bashed into the brink of death. Jesus bashed me into high body temperature, high fever, massively spitting blood out of my mouth from my lungs, just because my evilly harboring thought, that is, I was going to hook up with someone online and went out for wild sex. I was almost dead by massively spitting blood out of my mouth from my lungs for almost a week in Jesus’ Hand. And, I didn’t really do anything or commit doing anything really bad or sinful. I just was thinking about hooking up with someone online for wild sex. And, that’s it. Jesus is the most horrifying man in the entire universe. I really don’t wanna die gruesomely in Jesus’ Hand. So, I’m a good holy boy. I don’t wanna infuriate the most powerful man in the universe and He is also God. I’m not that crazy. I’m not psycho. I’m a decent boy.

So, even you have a Brad Pitt’s face in his early 20’s, and you have a Will Smith’s penis, gigantic and yummy, and a superman’s big chest and 8-packs, I will never put your gigantic penis into my mouth, because Jesus is gotta kill me and let me die very extremely gruesomely, because Jesus already warns me and Jesus keeps warning me every day in my prayer. So, forget about seducing me to suck your gigantic penis. Your evil scheme will never work. Go find someone else in any gay bar.

And, Jesus also warns me that I cannot sleep with other women, either. Any non-marital sex is all banned, either with man or woman. So, even you’re a Scarlet Johansson or a Christina Aguilera, both my No.1. favorite type, big boos, white skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, I cannot sleep with any of you. Go hook up with someone in any straight bar at night.

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