Klaus

I am almost speechless. Is this guy for real?
I checked back and these guys there are wondering why there is so much dissent and hostility over at their forum, while secular boards seem to be friendly and so on. Satan must pick those christians to try and decieve them, otherwise it would make no sense to them!

And the idea to cast Satan out in Jesus' name on a webboard is very funny!

4/22/2006 1:45:36 PM

JustinGG

A digital exorcism. How quaint.

4/22/2006 1:53:05 PM

never been there

I don't think his rebuke is working. Read the rest of the thread. If he's lucky he's just given the bad blood a home thread.

4/22/2006 1:54:00 PM

The Last Conformist

Sewn division, suspicion, jealouy etc? Sewn?

4/22/2006 1:57:34 PM

Julian

ROFL!!!!

Take that Satan. Kinda tempted to go in there and sow a seed or two of discord myself.

No wonder they think Satan is gay if he does nothing but sew all day. Not even any embossing or decoupage!

(I actually opened this up wondering what Satan's address was! Oh!)

4/22/2006 2:06:46 PM

TDR

\"brother against brother, brother against sister, sister aganist brother and so on\"

in some cases, lost for words, all one really can respond is ROFL

4/22/2006 2:35:46 PM

splat

Is it just me or does it look like he just 'cast a spell'? I think he needs a good ol' fashion stake burning.

4/22/2006 2:47:17 PM

mad dog

I'd almost consider joining, just to throw some Anton La Vey quotes at him.

4/22/2006 2:52:53 PM

Talisman

How cute. Writing an open letter to a fictitious figure. I do hope Titus will inform everyone if he receives a response from Ol' Satan himself.

Now that this is on the FSTDT website does that mean we're safe from Satan also? I bet it does. I feel all warm and fuzzy so it must be working...

4/22/2006 2:54:39 PM

Puistokemisti

>Now that this is on the FSTDT website does that mean we're safe from Satan also? I bet it does. I feel all warm and fuzzy so it must be working...

No, since we are god-hating satanists, Yahweh has probably used some of his special powers to make this letter safe for us.

4/22/2006 3:40:10 PM

JohnRaptor

Funny that he'd complain about Satan turning brother against brother and so forth. Isn't that exactly what Jesus said he'd do?

4/22/2006 4:34:45 PM

NotMe

And only the power of God could do something against good ol' Scratch. I can't really remember the bible verses but humans are pretty much powerless.
So Instead of posting this you should pray. And God will give you a reply as soon as he does with all those other prayers.

4/22/2006 5:48:00 PM

Satan

What'd I ever do to him?

4/22/2006 7:15:51 PM

Papabear

What's \"rage bitterness?\"

Remember, kids, if you write it in all CAPS and use a lot of exclamation points it means you really, really mean it and it must be true.

4/22/2006 7:20:27 PM

Jeremy

I AM A GOD WARRIOR!

/obligatory

4/22/2006 7:51:14 PM

Jacob Syne

Maybe if he were a moderator and used the science of the banhammer it would be more efficient.

4/22/2006 8:23:44 PM

Alex W.

I can just picture him typing this. He probably got really into it and started yelling, sweating, exc and when he finished he probably felt like he compleated some kind of mericle.

4/22/2006 8:24:30 PM

Ratman

Now that I think is one of hte funniest damn things I've read in a long time!!

4/22/2006 8:27:05 PM

Swintah

If you don't want Satan on your board, just ban him. You don't have to froth at the mouth or anything. Sheesh.

4/22/2006 8:45:55 PM

Mr. Turquoise

Does Hell even have internet access? If so, it might not be that bad a place, unless of course, you are forced to use AOL.

Mr. Turquoise

4/22/2006 9:45:32 PM

Julian

Hmmmm, taking the Lord's name in vain - literally!

Tammy will be over to wash your mouth out with soap soon, please stand by.

4/22/2006 10:06:04 PM

Hadanelith

Um...right...

4/23/2006 12:22:35 AM

kmisho

There's nothing more hilarious than a typed prayer. What kind of moron thinks he has to type prayers?

And thanks. I needed a good rebuking. The last one was wearing off.

4/23/2006 2:52:53 AM

D.W.

I am PROUD TO BE CALLED A FUNDY.

1. GOD LOVES YOU AND IS SEEKING TO HAVE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU

\"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to remove the barrier of sin.\" 1 John 4:10

God loves you and planned a wonderful, full life for you. He wants to enter a personal and intimate relationship with you that includes fellowship, inner peace, happiness, guidance in life and power to fulfill His special plan for your life.

2. SIN HAS CREATED A BARRIER BETWEEN MAN AND GOD

“All have sinned and come short of the Glory of God.” Romans 3:23

GOD is Holy, and cannot have a relationship with anyone who falls short of His righteous character. Sin began when man went his own independent way and rejected his relationship with God. At that point, man became unacceptable to God’s Holy character.

The Ten Commandments were given to show us how good we would have to be if we try to come to God in our own merit. But God doesn’t grade our law-keeping on the curve. He said, “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.” James 2:10

No matter how sincere we are, or how hard we try, or how religious we are, we can never produce a righteousness that God can accept. Even our good deeds are not acceptable in God’s sight, “But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags …” Isaiah 64:6

So our sin has created a barrier that we cannot remove. Even though God loves you, He cannot compromise His holy character to receive you. Only God can remove this barrier.

3. JESUS CHRIST CAME TO REMOVE THE BARRIER BETWEEN GOD AND MAN

Jesus said of Himself, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

“The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28

You see, God so loved us that He stepped out of eternity into time and became a man in the person of Jesus Christ. He lived a perfect life as a man and thus qualified to die for the sins of the world. He then willingly died in our place to purchase a pardon for sins and satisfy the demands of His own perfect justice. When He did, He tore down the barrier of sin that separated us.

4. NOW THERE IS ONLY ONE BARRIER BETWEEN YOU AND GOD YOU MUST RECEIVE THE PARDON JESUS PURCHASED FOR YOU

Jesus Christ has removed every barrier that stood between you and God except one -- you must receive the pardon He purchased for you by an act of your will. You see, a pardon is not a pardon until it is received. There is a pardon with your name on it in heaven, but you must receive it to make it valid.

It is not a matter of how good you are -- or even how bad you are. The issue is, will you talk to God and tell him you receive the pardon he purchased for you. He wants you to come just as you are and confess you can never be good enough for Him to accept.

YOU can change your eternal destiny right now. Wherever you are, just bow your head and tell God you receive His pardon for your sins. Ask Jesus Christ to come into your life and begin to give you a new heart with new desires. He will come into your life and bring a new power and motivation for living you never dreamed possible.

Jesus gave us this invitation, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” Revelation 3:20 The door represents your will.

The Lord Jesus Christ is knocking at the door of your will right now. Just invite Him in and receive the gift of pardon He gave His life to give you. Then thank Him for the pardon and that He must keep His Word.

Don’t expect feelings right away. Some have them, some don’t. The important thing is to simply believe God keeps His Word and He now has come to live in you. Seek out a Church that is true to the Bible and seek to learn about your new life.

“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:21

4/23/2006 8:25:54 AM

rob

Dear D.W.,

Please re-read what you wrote. I will give you a nickle for every instance of contradictory assholery on the part of the god you describe. I will give you a dime if you can identify the rock so big god can't lift it.

4/23/2006 9:20:49 AM